Shannon,

Two suggestions for the initial announcement. The rest looks great.

1. I'm not enamoured with the term "pledgee". As such I'd suggest changing "pledge is closed, you and our other pledgees have the exclusive" to "pledge is closed, you and the others that have taken the pledge have the exclusive"

2. I find the "open the door" phrase to be to colloquial. As such I'd suggest changing "By signing the pledge, you opened up the door to our new discussion group to focus on building" to "By signing the pledge, you have the opportunity to participate in our new discussion group that will focus on building". This text, in my opinion, also plants the idea that they are participating in the discussion.

Ken 

On Friday, 2 September 2016, Shannon Taylor <staylor@virtualmgmt.com> wrote:

Hi All,

 

Please review the items below for updates and actions:

 

1)      Pledge sign up: closed, there is now a form on the page to collect info on people who want to stay updated on activities.

2)      Pledge report:  attached is a final pledge report, total of 355 pledgees.

3)      Email Drafts:  attached is the content for the email and reminders that are scheduled. We don’t have a lot of time to wordsmith, if there is something glaringly wrong let me know otherwise we will move forward.

4)      DG Creation: we have been working on the creation of the Discussion Group. It has taken a bit longer than expected as we have also taken this as an opportunity to update the Group Participation Agreement template. When this is ready for your review I’ll send it your way. Please stay tuned.

 

Regards,

Shannon

--
Kenneth Dagg
Independent Consultant
Identification and Authentication
613-825-2091
kendaggtbs@gmail.com

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